t minus four days

Change is in the air. Four days now until I start classes and begin anew something that could or should have taken place before, but didn’t; give another go to a project that failed the first time attempted. I’m anxious, and I’m all contradictions: full and empty, excited and serene; the next part of my life is about to begin and I have no idea how I’m supposed to feel—not that meeting outside expectations has ever been high on my agenda—but I know that I’m ready. Let the transmogrification begin.

I’m letting go of my job in pieces. The money-maker, the time consumer, is coming untethered from my altering form as I reorient my direction, move to look a different way, and concentrate on another set of priorities. I was worried that it would be impossible to do this in increments. I felt sure that the powers-that-be would feel disobliged as I asked for accommodation for my new schedule, would perhaps be in some way offended that I was revealing a new devotion that lay outside the dedicated environment of our workplace; but I’ve been pleasantly surprised. They’ve been supportive. They’ve been positive. I couldn’t have asked for better.

Of course, I also have to say goodbye to the steady source of income. Goodbye fine, inspiriting numbers of the pay check. Goodbye dollars and cents of my day-to-day living. We may meet again in another life, in another forum, in another state. It would be nice if we could stay on speaking terms, even if we do become distant. There will always be a special place in my account for you, should you ever decide to return. I won’t grow bitter to your absence, just perhaps a little leaner. I might grow thin without your support.

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~ by A Mundi on May 6, 2010.

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