wellbutrin xl

Depression is sneaky. It creeps. As someone else has pointed out, so does inertia.

There’s not much to miss in Toronto during the winter anyway: the slim, slate patina on all surfaces, the sallow glow from the sky, the hollow knock of lonely heels on grey, grey sidewalks; none if screams Look at me! Live in me! Rather the opposite. Even if I was sleeping 16 hours a day and doing nothing but playing Bejewelled Blitz on my iPhone for over a month, it’s not like the world was passing me by.

Except that it still feels like it is when you can’t get out of yourself to be yourself, to be at least something besides a tepid nothing, when the air comes down from space like wet concrete and every movement is heavy.

This is what they call an episode, I suppose. I’m coming out of it. They’ve given me some additional pills. They’re working. I’m feeling better.

“How long does it take for these things to work?” I ask.

“Typically this antidepressant doesn’t start to reach full effect for several weeks, somewhere between six to twelve,” answers Psychiatrist.

Six to twelve! Jesus. I’m approaching the end of week four, and I can live in the world again, which I take as a monumental success, but he’s probably right: I don’t feel myself—though I sometimes feel I wouldn’t recognize myself even if I was fist-fighting a mirror these days. It’s a great conceit, this concept of “normal”. You don’t pay it nearly enough attention when you’re not striving to hit its mark. When have I been “normal” during the past decade and a half of my adult life? As far as I can work out, I’d been rapid cycling from depression to hypomania—mitigated by unhealthy bouts of drinking to even out the rocky bits—for as long as I can remember. The queasy, uncertain, somewhat boring in-between I’ve been experiencing since I’ve been placed on mood stabilizing medication might well be what normal feels like; or it might just be as close to normal as I’m ever going to get. What a cheering thought.

I’m going to get some coffee.


~ by A Mundi on April 13, 2010.

One Response to “wellbutrin xl”

  1. Hubby was on Wellbutrin along with several other drugs and it worked really well for him. That was coupled with some Celexa his meds have changed since then. Lamuctal trazadone and seroquil is what he takes now. He is more focused and with school work it keeps him pretty busy. He hasn’t had a “down” in a long time, as long as he stays motivated. Pills are good, the real healing comes when you find something to be passionate over and you get out of the house and do things. Sitting at home waiting for the pills to start working is a futile effort. You gotta get out there and act as if … Alcohol isn’t going to solve any of your woes.It counteracts the pills. I’m thinking about you.


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